It Feels So Hard to Connect With Others…
This is a conversation that I frequently have in my local coffee shop with other community members. It is one of the few places where I get to talk to strangers who come in for a cup of coffee and enjoy the comfort of conversation while drinking a nice, warm cup of coffee.
Now, with all the technological advances, it feels even harder to connect, even though tools such as social media have emerged as a way to bring people together.
In some cases, those same tools contribute to more disconnection and loneliness.
Social connection is at the heart of wellness, yet somehow we have lost our way.
Learning to be relational is central to connecting with others and building a supportive community.
But it is also crucial for our romantic relationships. We tend to place too many expectations on romantic relationships. It only makes sense in the absence of community. Building relationships is not only crucial, but it is also important for the health of our romantic partnerships.
I have been thinking about different ways to increase social connection, as well as create spaces where we can make more friends out of strangers. I see a lot of value in connecting with strangers and transforming those relationships from strangers into friends.
One concept that comes to mind is the ability to read what is in the room.
When you enter a room full of people, you are likely trying to read who is there: What are they thinking? What are they feeling? What you are doing is mind mapping. It is your innate ability to predict and read people. The wisdom of being able to read others is a skill that allows you to show up in a way that is more aligned with your values.
The ability to read others is neutral, but we can use that ability in ways that lead either to connection or disconnection.
For example, you enter a room hoping to connect with people. You see somebody who seems nervous or awkward. You might think they feel uncomfortable in that space or that they feel excluded. It is the ability to look at them and try to see what is happening for them. It is a form of perspective-taking. Now you can offer them company, introduce them to someone else in the room, or do what feels aligned with your values.
How you mind map others impacts your relationships and can transform them.
While mind mapping is very useful, the other side of it is having perspective flexibility toward your mind map. It is possible that you perceive someone as anxious or uncomfortable when they may actually be feeling sick. Or perhaps that is simply their facial expression, and they are naturally quiet. Flexibility offers a better way of managing how you show up while still allowing you to use mind mapping in a prosocial way.
So here is the invitation: Try mind mapping and use it in a way that helps you connect with others. Perhaps you go to a coffee shop or a restaurant. You see someone and think, "This person seems friendly and welcoming." So you walk toward them and make a friendly comment. Maybe a conversation ensues, or maybe not. Keep trying and see what happens.
Try it in your own relationships. When giving a gift, map what your friend may like and give them something thoughtful based on that. It can light up someone's day.